Annoying Questions People Ask!

A: “So N, 30 years this year, when are you planning to get hitched? Don’t wait too long, or the good one’s will be taken!”
N: “No disrespect meant A, but why do you keep asking me this question? It’s annoying and awkward and you know I don’t have an answer. Plus, it is genuinely none of your business and my status, single or otherwise, cannot be a topic of conversation. At least not in front of me!”

This conversation actually happened, before my own eyes and needless to say, A and N have not spoken to each other since!

Why do people ask such awkward questions? Is it sadistic to keep rubbing something in people’s faces just so you feel better about yourself? Or, is it just because people like to gossip or poke their noses in other people’s personal lives? Or, is it out of genuine concern?
No matter how much I try, I cannot get my head around the last part. Unless this question is asked by someone in your immediate family, your parents, siblings etc. the concern angle just doesn’t fit. And believe me very often your immediate family will be sensitive about issues like these to make comments about it in public.

Over the years, a few scenarios I have witnessed have been downright painful, crossing all levels of human decency. The intention of this post is not to judge or criticize someone, but just to point out that it is insensitive, rude and at times downright hurtful to ask questions, answers to which, really make no difference in your life, one way or the other.

[1] When are you getting married?
Why are you concerned? Do you have a suitable match for the girl or the guy? Or do you want to clear your calendar for the joyous occasion? Reality is the answer to this question is as irrelevant to your day-to-day life as asking the question who let the dogs out! It is important to understand and be sensitive to the fact that, maybe the girl or the guy in question is not finding a deserving partner. Maybe, there is some problem, we don’t know about which is private and not for public sharing. Repeatedly asking that question only ends up hurting the person and his or her family, not to mention humiliating them, if publicly asked in a crass manner.

[2] When are you having a baby?
This is worse than the earlier question. There are so many reasons a couple might put off having a baby. They may not be financially well placed to have a baby yet. Worse still, they may be facing a medical problem. They don’t want to discuss that with you! Asking this question, really goes beyond boundaries of decency! How does the answer to this question affect anyone, but the couple’s life? Being polite in such situations is hard, and I sometimes feel, one should be rude. People who ask these questions without thinking, should be made to pay the price of the thoughtlessness. So unless you are confident you see a baby bump, asking this question is not decent!

[3] Why have you lost or put on so much weight?
Really? Take a look at this incident that happened. A friend was facing thyroid problem due to which she had put on 25kgs weight in a period of a year. She was on medication which was leading to mood swings. During an evening out, someone asked her why she had put on weight and she just lost it. Right in the middle of the party she burst out. “I am ill. I have thyroid problem and therefore I have put on this ghastly amount of weight. Anyone wants any more details?”

It is important to understand that one does not need to know everything. Conversations can be based on weather, politics, cricket, travel, education, jobs and so many other things. One need not bring sensitive private issues to a friendly dinner table, at the cost of someone else’s comfort.

The Block that Kills

For years I remember living life in form of words. I remembering itching to open the unfinished book, the minute I had a few spare moments. I remember craving to go back to my desk, the minute something interesting happened, so that I can allow my mind to write my experience, my thoughts in intrinsically woven sentences and words. It gave me an adrenalin rush to relive those moments, losing myself in the web of words. It did not matter who read it. All that mattered was I recorded it, for myself. For years I kept a diary. Then, I started writing articles, short stories, musings… and before I knew it, I was a journalist. Then one fine evening, a friend, sitting miles away, very gently coaxed me into writing blogs. And I was an active blogger for years I wrote blogs and then, just as suddenly, it all just STOPPED. I looked at my blog with absolute amazement today and realized that my last updated post was over two and half years ago!

Initially it was absolute lack of time. Even if something really interesting happened, in the race of life there was just no time to pen it down. I remember getting up in the middle of the night, still tired due to day’s stress, itching to get up and write. But exhaustion and sleep would get the better of me, and those words remained unwritten. The exercise of writing everyday slowly got confined to weekends, and weekends slowly turned to months and months slowly turned to years.

Today as I look back, I remember going through the days when I was angry, irritated, frustrated because I hadn’t had the chance to sit peacefully and just write or type. But like everything else, I began to train my mind to stop feeling. Convinced myself that I will write soon, when I find time. I trained my mind to oppress the desperate need to record my thoughts, the itch to write, convincing myself that sometime soon, I will find the time to write again. I was killing days waiting to find the time to write. Maybe I was just fooling myself, who knows.

However, in all these years, I hardly realized that I was actually not killing time, I was killing the motivation and the enthusiasm and slowly the ability to write. And today, like a badly oiled, unused machine that just doesn’t work, the words and creativity seem to have stopped working. I find myself staring at the screen for hours together, not writing a word. At times, out of sheer desperation I write, only to realize that the writing is neither good… nor ME!
For someone who’s real passion in life was to write, inability to express my thoughts in words has become a real handicap. What does one do, when the very thing that defines them just goes away? I cringe each time I say “I am a writer” for my mind screams, “I used to be a writer…”

I can still feel it all in my head, I can feel the sentences stringing together in my mind, I can see the completed product before my mind’s eyes, and yet, the minute I sit to write, I go blank. People have told me, like swimming and cycling you cannot really forget how to write, sometimes you write well, sometimes you don’t. I have reached a place, where I do not write AT ALL. It’s like losing my armour in the middle of a battlefield. And it sucks… It really does. Because now, I have actually become comfortable not writing! And it is so difficult to tear myself from that comfortable place. But some day, hopefully soonish, I will be out there again, trying to write again.