(Un)Realistic Expectations??

When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.
- Stephen Hawking

Okay, before I begin on this one… I accept, I like over analyzing things! Having said that… Yesterday evening, I read a very “interesting” article in one of the women’s magazines. What was I doing reading Cosmo or it’s sister concerns… well I was sitting at my doc’s and that was the only magazine available. Anyways… the point being, I came across this article where the writer claimed that one of the secrets to any successful relationship is “Not having any expectations!”

My first reaction was… WTF! But as the thought went around in my head, some conversations, situations came back to me with such force, that it left me confused and reeling.

“I expect you to clean your room once every two days…” An angry mother
“I was expecting a call from you last evening… which never happened…” A sad friend
“I expect you to finish this review before you leave for the day…” A nonchalant boss

I can go on and on about the different situations in which I have heard, and at times used the word expect… and each time, the situation either began or ended with me or someone else feeling let down and disappointed… at times very strongly so!

Mom: I expect you to clean your room…
To myself: Leave me alone… I am tired!

Me: I was expecting a call from you last evening…
My Friend to herself: Even if I don’t feel like talking?

My boss: I expect you to finish this review before you leave for the day…
To Myself: Even if it is humanly impossible to do so??

What I concluded was one person’s realistic expectation may turn out to be someone else’s unrealistic expectation. From my mother’s point of view… keeping the room clean is a priority, while coming home after a rough day, gulping down dinner and resting a tired mind is mine! Expecting my friend to call, to listen to me, to be there when I need her, is important to me… but it may not be her priority… or she may not have time for me, or worse still she may not want to make time for me! Meeting a deadline is my bosses immediate priority, but trying to find out if the work in question is really doable… may not be his concern!

Mismatch in expectation often leads to disappointments… question is how often are expectations really matched?? How often are two people completed in sync with what they expect from one another? If the probability of that happened is rare… what is the solution? Not having expectations… as the writer suggests? Probably… because the other option is to face disappointment at every junction, which is not such a bright option either.

There is really no conclusion to this discussion, but personally speaking, I do agree with the writer to some extent… having expectations does lead to disappointments… on the other hand, if I don’t expect anything from anyone, whatever I eventually get (if at all) is a bonus… and the happiness of getting a bonus is an amply more pleasant an emotion than feeling unwanted, uncared for and disappointed!

Of course, the real catch lie in two completely different questions… One, are our expectations realistic to begin with? (As our expectations arise when we take our priorities, values, ideals, standards and morals onto other people… people who’s priorities, ideals and values may be different from ours.) and two, is it humanly possible to not have expectations in a co-dependent relationship?

Hmmmm… interesting!

Twisted Priorities?

It was one of those late mornings on Sunday when doing nothing, seemed like a really lucrative option. Surfing through the channels I stopped at what looked suspiciously like an Ally McBeal episode… the channel surfing froze and I settled myself to enjoy the next hour of nostalgia, when serials like Ally McBeal, X-Files and The Practice were a common watch with dinner (a respite from the K-series too!)

And as usual, by the end of the episode, it was time for what I like to refer to as the “closing”. Every episode starts with a case… and the closing of that legal battle is usually a rather philosophical musing… that almost always left me wondering.

This time, it was Ally’s question… Who started this belief that the right man or woman will just walk in, and all you have to do is Just wait for that to happen!

That really got me thinking. How many people around me do I know who claim that the right person just came along and everything just fell into place, without either partners making that effort to actually make it happen! I very rarely remember anyone telling me that they allowed the right person to just walk in… although I do know of some who said… they allowed the right person to just walk away!

Imagine the amount of time we all spend making our careers perfect… hours and hours spend at work, trying to achieve… well something! How many of us spend that much time actually making our personal lives work… how many of us spend hours and hours trying to achieve something on the personal front… be it our relationships with our parent… our friends or our partners. I so often say it myself… of Ms. X? We just lost touch! Naturally… if neither made an effort to stay in touch… But of course I never just say, I lost touch with my clients, do I?

It’s times like these that I believe that I live in a world with twisted priorities… or as a generation I think most of us have lost the ability to prioritise… where this leads us tomorrow… only time can tell. As of now… I better stop blogging and get back to work… I have a whole lot of pending work to finish over the dying weekend, before the fresh day begins…

Jaago... Mohan Pyaare....

I have no clue if it has something to do with what our parents ate… but I am convinced that our generation has a huge problem. I call it the “I - just - can’t - wake - up - early - in - the - morning - syndrome”. How many times do I remember asking my mom, my friends, my cousins, at times even my colleagues, to wake me up at different times of the morning, so that I could make it to college or to office on time… well almost!

Recently, I have been on the receiving end of this whole deal of waking-someone-up. And after trying to wake someone up hazzar times, and failing almost completely… I got thinking… and came up with some techniques that may just work… if there is enough conviction to wake up.

- Do not use the alarm function of your mobile for that comes with a useless option we call “Snooze”. The best way is to use an actual alarm clock (multiple alarm clocks, placed at different locations work like magic!). Keep the clock as far away from your bed as you can manage. If possible, place the alarm clock in a locked cupboard. The effort it will take for you to hunt for the key, unlock the door and slap the alarm shut is sure to wake you up. Of course, if you sleep like a dead man, by using this technique, you may actually end up dead, murdered by an angry roommate!

- In case you do use the mobile phone alarm… use a ring tone that you hate… irritation first thing in the morning, is a sure way to get out of the slumber! - Using the same ring tone and alarm tone usually helps too! For you may hastily hunt for the phone and answer an alarm…

- Saying things like “Make sure you wake me up at 7 tomorrow, no matter what happens. I have an important meeting, and I just can’t afford to miss it!!” to your girlfriend/boyfriend is a sure way of heading straight towards a huge fight! Instead try something like… “Will you check if I am awake at 7ish? I just don’t want to miss my meeting!” Of course, if you do end up giving ultimatums like the above, then be prepared to have the most weird people hunting you down to wake you up!

- Avoid asking too many people to wake you up! And never ask too many people to wake you up at different times… like one at 7, one at 7:15, and then one at 7:30! If the one assigned with the 7 o clock duty ever finds out, he will make sure that that’s the last wake up call you ever get!!!

- Moms are the best wake up call candidates. They are persistent, and they genuinely care! Plus, they usually have a lot of experience.

- Never ask for a wake up call, if you are one of those people who do not remember what they say in their sleep! For you, your alarm clocks work the best…

- The milkman and the paperboy often work as good wake up calls. The effort to wake up and answer the door twice will ensure you do not go back to sleep the third time…

- Rearranging your bed to face the window… and then sleeping facing the window helps… without doubt! Glaring sun in your face first thing in the morning is quite an effective way to get you out of bed. Of course, this becomes quite painful on weekends and holidays.

Of course, you can chuck all this and try sleeping on time! Nah… is that really an option?

Power of a good cry?

I cried after a long time today… no actually I bawled… bawled like a baby! I don’t know why I cried… who I cried for… Maybe I was missing someone dearly… maybe it was just the usual sadness of Ganpati visarjan… maybe it was sheer panic about the glorious uncertainty of my life… I have no clue!

I am not a cry-baby by nature, but I do cry when life becomes difficult… or when things just don’t go the way I want them to… I shed a tear or two when I feel lost and heartbroken… but I very rarely remember crying without a reason.

But today was sooo much different… for I cried without reason, purpose... and at the end of those precious moments of crying… I felt good… really good… light, relaxed… and a hell lot better! Sometimes… a good cry really helps!

There is something about Ganpati!

The auspicious Ganpati festival starts tomorrow… and we celebrate the festival with a lot of enthusiasm at home. Every year, we bring home the Ganesha idol, one day before the festival actually starts… and the next two days are probably the most satisfying days of the entire year. I am not a very religious person by nature… and do not follow the niti grities of religious processes.

And yet there is something about this Ganpati festival that leaves me peaceful, satisfied and most important of all, extremely hopeful. So many times during the past few years, life has been anything but peaceful around the Ganpati festival. And yet, the two days of pooja and aarti, and the colourfully festive atmosphere has left me feeling happy. The beautiful idol that resides in my house for two days gives me tremendous power, energy and ability to meet life head on again!

There is something about Ganpati… that makes me wait for the festival eagerly, there’s something about Ganpati that changes life for me… almost completely… year after year… each year… Kudos to my favourite God… Ganpati Bappa Moraya!!!

Okay… that sounded so much better in my head!

“Okay… that sounded so much better in my head!” How many times have I said this… I have really lost the count. After a hilarious encounter with a friend earlier today… I decided to list something’s I have said over a period of time, that sounded so much better in my head… but almost made me look a nutcase when I said it aloud!

- She has to be really old at least 75… what young woman would call herself Ruth? (in discussion with a colleague about a SME named Ruth from the clients site, who neither of us had seen before!)
- I am not irritated… I am very very peeved! (To which my friend responded… yes… that’s much better!)
- How the hell am I expected to remember my cell number? I call myself, well almost never! (I don’t know why that’s weird… isn’t it true?)
- You get awesome Chinese food at that Udpi restaurant! (You do! What’s funny about that?)
- Her posture resembles that of a cow sitting under the tree… (Every time I see a cow I remember her… no kidding!)
- Of course he is good-looking… okay… maybe not good-looking in an obvious way! (While talking about a colleague!)
- He is really nice… but I hate that guy!
- I am feeling very blue today… (Okay… tell me when you feel red, green, orange, white?)
- He’s got a handsome voice! (Yeah this doesn’t make sense to me either!)
- He should not be allowed to play… he is so ugly! (While discussion Romesh Powar! And yes, that’s what a manager looks for in a every cricket player!)
- I am not lying… I am just twisting facts…
- It’s not that I am short… I am just not tall!
- I have realized that I can sleep with my eyes open… honest!

I am sure this is not the final list… as what I think and what I say… very rarely make sense!

Welcome to My World!

Surreal very simply put, means bizarre or dreamlike. In fact surrealism is a philosophical movement that was started post the first world war by a group of artists and writers whose works featured an element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions, and absurdity to the point of being humourous, comical and confusing! Of course, without going into the details of surrealism as a movement, let me get straight to the point.

After writing about the most random topics, social issues, personal musings and advisory features, I decided it was time for a new blog... a blog about myself and my surreal life which has all the above stated elements. My life thats full of surprises (hopefully all good ones), unexpected encounters, randomness to the point of comical absurdity, and yet a saneness that still manages to prevails over all these unforeseen happenings! A blog about my real world that is surreal!