When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.
- Stephen Hawking
Okay, before I begin on this one… I accept, I like over analyzing things! Having said that… Yesterday evening, I read a very “interesting” article in one of the women’s magazines. What was I doing reading Cosmo or it’s sister concerns… well I was sitting at my doc’s and that was the only magazine available. Anyways… the point being, I came across this article where the writer claimed that one of the secrets to any successful relationship is “Not having any expectations!”
My first reaction was… WTF! But as the thought went around in my head, some conversations, situations came back to me with such force, that it left me confused and reeling.
“I expect you to clean your room once every two days…” An angry mother
“I was expecting a call from you last evening… which never happened…” A sad friend
“I expect you to finish this review before you leave for the day…” A nonchalant boss
I can go on and on about the different situations in which I have heard, and at times used the word expect… and each time, the situation either began or ended with me or someone else feeling let down and disappointed… at times very strongly so!
Mom: I expect you to clean your room…
To myself: Leave me alone… I am tired!
Me: I was expecting a call from you last evening…
My Friend to herself: Even if I don’t feel like talking?
My boss: I expect you to finish this review before you leave for the day…
To Myself: Even if it is humanly impossible to do so??
What I concluded was one person’s realistic expectation may turn out to be someone else’s unrealistic expectation. From my mother’s point of view… keeping the room clean is a priority, while coming home after a rough day, gulping down dinner and resting a tired mind is mine! Expecting my friend to call, to listen to me, to be there when I need her, is important to me… but it may not be her priority… or she may not have time for me, or worse still she may not want to make time for me! Meeting a deadline is my bosses immediate priority, but trying to find out if the work in question is really doable… may not be his concern!
Mismatch in expectation often leads to disappointments… question is how often are expectations really matched?? How often are two people completed in sync with what they expect from one another? If the probability of that happened is rare… what is the solution? Not having expectations… as the writer suggests? Probably… because the other option is to face disappointment at every junction, which is not such a bright option either.
There is really no conclusion to this discussion, but personally speaking, I do agree with the writer to some extent… having expectations does lead to disappointments… on the other hand, if I don’t expect anything from anyone, whatever I eventually get (if at all) is a bonus… and the happiness of getting a bonus is an amply more pleasant an emotion than feeling unwanted, uncared for and disappointed!
Of course, the real catch lie in two completely different questions… One, are our expectations realistic to begin with? (As our expectations arise when we take our priorities, values, ideals, standards and morals onto other people… people who’s priorities, ideals and values may be different from ours.) and two, is it humanly possible to not have expectations in a co-dependent relationship?
Hmmmm… interesting!
5 comments:
A tinge of practicality here, you definitely being "you"! :P
Its true... expectations reduce joy in life... and surprises increase them. Having said does not mean one should not have deadlines or goals... they are required... its a beautiful balance that comes only be observations
We can let go of expectations, but there's a danger of turning into automatons.
Honestly speaking, I've lost the number of times I've ended up being bitterly disappointed because my expectations weren't met.
I'd rather not have too many expectations from others.
But when in a relationship, it's unrealistic not to have any expectations.
Expectations are the part of Human nature so you cant totally deny them. Expect but don't force it one others. Most of the time communicating it right help you get the expected results. If still disappointed then choice is yours!
Not trying to justify anything here but just a thought..."Aren't expectations a reflections of our capabilities as projected upon others by us through some prior act?"
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