Random conversation...

I was in one of those ‘I-want-to-pull-my-hair-off-in frustration’ sort of mood. Middle of the workday, crying to release the built up irritation was not an option either. So I was keeping my tone low and voice calm as I dealt with issues at hand. Smiling where response was not required, nodding where one was, I opted for minimum expenditure on words, because I was afraid someone innocent would fall victim to a backlash! It was in this mood that the phone rang.

“Hello…” said Kay in a very low voice. So I was not the only one having an off day, I smirked to myself.

“Hey babe, wassup?” I worded the usual greetings.

“Nothing…” she sighed deeply. Now here came the tricky part. Do I dare ask the question?

“What’s wrong?” I asked tentatively, praying she answers with another one of those ‘Nothing!”

“Nothing…” she began, then stopped. “Okay everything…” My hopes crashed.

“Out with it…” I sighed too.

“AJ is getting on my nerves now…” she sighed. “I don’t think I can take this pestering from him for too long. He nags and nags and nags, and when that doesn’t work, the sarcasm comes in, and when that fails too… it’s the cold shouldering. I am just so fed up.”

“Nags about what?” I asked.

“Every little thing. Did you pay the phone bills, did you go to the doctor, did you finish X, did you pick up Y… God he just can’t let the small things go.” She finished with a bang, literally. I believe that was the sound of her hand thumping the table.

“I see…” seeing, yet not seeing it.

“Have you spoken to him about how this is irritating you?” I asked, finding it easy to relate to AJ, and smiled thinking of that certain someone nodding vigorously.

“Yes, hundred times. I have asked him to leave me alone with my chores. I am 27 years old and can fully manage my life. I don’t need a keeper controlling my moves…” she sounded genuinely pissed off.

“And is that what you think he is trying to do? Control?” I asked, feeling uneasy with this conversation now.

“Obviously… do this, do that. Why didn’t you do this… why did you do that. You shouldn’t go here… please go there! Hello… my parents never told me this… I am feeling claustrophobic now… I just need to be left alone…” she finished.

“So tell him,” I said with a huge gulp.

“You think I haven’t… but the very next day it’s the same old story.” She ended dejectedly.

“Can I ask you something…” I asked, my irritable mood lost.

“Yeah…” she sounded spent.

“Is there any weight to what he says?” I began, “I mean, have you been paying your bills late, for example?”

“That’s not the point,” she said defensively. “Even if I have, I will do it when I get time…”

“Okay, okay, it was just a question.” I concluded. I knew where this was coming from… and hearing someone else say it this bluntly had raised my antennas too.

“I concede that at times he is right. He has a point too. But I can deal with it myself. I don’t need this… I believe I can manage.” She explained.

“And is that what the problem is? That you think he doesn’t believe so?” I asked curiously.

“In some ways yes. I think he doesn’t believe that I am capable of dealing with certain things… I procrastinate sometimes, I agree. But I don’t think that gives him the right to think I just don’t want to do it… or I don’t understand the importance of doing things at the right time. I have my pace and my priorities and I know when what needs to be done.” She made sense… and a lot of it.

“You are saying that the first instance you miss something he is on your case??” I questioned.

“Hmmmm… no…” she sounded uncertain.

“You mean it’s something like mom… and the whole clean your room dialog? After the clothes pile up to the ceiling and you are lost under the pile of books, that the whole ‘clean your room’ dialog comes up?” I drew an analogy.

“Kind of… but not entirely.” She conceded.

“So I say you let it go for now. Don’t we eventually clean the room anyways?” I asked smiling now. “When mom starts with her speech, you remember the feeling? Every yummy meal she has cooked goes off the mind, every encouraging word she has said is forgotten and replaced with absolute irritation. But it’s momentary right? The next time you talk to her, it is forgotten. Why not use the same principle here? So he has been crowding you. Talk to him… tell him. I am sure AJ isn’t unreasonable. So it can’t entirely be his fault. Own up to your side of failings too.” I encouraged.

“I don’t understand,” she sounded confused.

“When you called me a while back, it looked like had AJ been around you would have murdered him. At that moment the surprise birthday party he arranged last month was forgotten. The feeling was lost, just for a while. Babe, take it easy. Listen to what he is saying. It wouldn’t hurt to do as he says… you may never realise he has a point. On his part… ask him to ease up a little. Tell him you need reminders but not nagging. Although I don’t have a solution to what he should do if you don’t listen to his reminders either…”

“I get your point. Meet half way you mean. Basically don’t wait for the reminders to turn to nagging?” she asked.

“Yes…” I said.

“But doesn’t that still entail the same thing? Me working by his pace?” she asked.

“If he is right… where’s the harm?” I asked…

“Hmmm… I am not entirely convinced because then the question of who is right or wrong arises. But I am calmer now.” She said honestly.

“Good…” I smiled.

“Thanks for listening babe…” she said genuinely.

“Nope… thank you. For the conversation. I wish I had this with you an hour earlier… would have saved me some trouble…” I murmured.

“Huh? Yeh kya tha?” she asked amused.

“This is what I call wake up call…” I quipped. “No time for explanations right now. But thanks anyways…”